Blah blah blah shit to do. I have a new boss at work. She's really great, so far as I can tell. I've been procrastinating my last two baby slings. Not cleaning my house. Staying at work til 8 p.m. (some of that is pipe band).
Today I start piano lessons for the first time in nearly three years. I don't really need piano lessons; I can play the piano quite well and I'm actually not a bad teacher. I just need the accountability, so I arranged to do a lesson every other week just so I can work up some new songs and have a reason to practice.
I also start yoga sessions again today. Last year I led yoga every Wednesday. Hopefully people will come; I think it's going to be good. At least my playlist is good. I think. I'll list the asanas we do tomorrow in case anyone in Internetland wants to do it. Or maybe I'll post a video. Except that I don't have a way to post a video.
I hate not looking forward to anything. I'm not really working for anything right now. Last week it was the weekend. I'm not even looking forward to this weekend much; I have to model in Bald Knob then go to Little Rock on Saturday to deal with doula stuff (which, by the way, is getting to be more tedious than fun) and on Sunday I play for a church. My only day off is Monday, and I'm not sure if anyone will want to hang out with me. My family wants a piece of me that day, but I can't afford all that gas. I'm cranky. This is how I'm thinking of my interactions these days: people just want a piece of me. Isn't that terrible? I don't mean a piece of me in a good way, either, like giving your heart to others or whatever. A piece of me that I don't want to give them, time that I don't want to give up for activities that don't fulfill me. I don't really want to drive to Bald Knob EVERY Saturday, but the artist who paints me needs to finish the painting. He's my friend, but I just don't want to go EVERY Saturday. I miss sleeping in on Sundays, but the church I play for doesn't have a pianist (I may quit soon anyway). Some of my friends only come see me when they want something (see past two posts...that friend in particular is at it again). No I am not a cigarette dispenser. I am never making waffles at 4 a.m. for you ever again. Did I mention my roommate doesn't pay rent even though my bills have now doubled due to having two people in my house? Cranky. I may move into my car after all. I'm beginning to see, at least, who my real friends are in the Ark. Dave, to my surprise, is a good friend. I think he's doing a lot better this year. Robert is a good friend, not surprisingly. Other than that...eh.
I know I'm supposed to just push through frustration, but right now I'm not sure how to do that. I don't even know what I'm angry about.
There are several skills I'm working to develop in preparation for dropping out. Foraging. Shit, I suck at foraging, I'll probably die by accidentally eating a pokeberry. Gotta learn it, though. Dumpster diving. I don't need anything at all, having a real job for two years has satiated all my basic needs as far as clothes and blankies are concerned, but I have never scrounged for food and, frankly, I'd like to learn. Not paying for food means I can save money to buy a huge house for a thousand people to live in. I feel like if I can learn that kind of stuff, and also have a hidden garden somewhere in the woods, I'll be on my way to self-sufficiency and dropping out completely. Wouldn't it be cool to be a scientist for the Nature Conservancy who lives in a tent and only comes out of the woods to collect data? Fuck yeah it would. Or living on a farm with goats and we only go into town for entertainment and try to give away some of the joy we live to the poor spiritually impoverished members of society still stuck in the rat race. I'm excited about living just to survive and enjoy others. I kind of hate the situation I'm in now. I have a lot of monetary obligations, so I have to keep working, but I'd really just like a survivalist lifestyle. Once those obligations are met, I'm totally dropping out. I'm going to draw up a list to start working on it this month. Get rid of all my furniture (well, what's left of it). Sleep in the woods more. Go nuts. Be insane. Give me ideas.
Shit, where will I put my cat?
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i've seen kids with cats on leashes.. or perched on their shoulders. totally doable.
ReplyDeletelet's see, dumpsters.. if there's a distro centre of any sort near you, that's definitely worth checking out. they are probably higher security and may be locked, but you'll find enough juice, or chips, or bagels, or whatever they are distributing, to fill your entire car. bike shop dumpsters are always rad; usu. cables and housing but occasional gems like cranks or even frames with a bent fork. as for food, pizza and donuts and bagels are staples. every fast food place will throw out sandwich bread, pizza, etc. every 4-6 hours when it's not "fresh" anymore. produce is iffy so be discriminating.. i've heard of places bleaching their produce. books are easy, so long as they're not bleached; covers might be torn off but that doesn't much matter. half price and b&n are good. whole foods usually has some good stuff, but you always have to dig. wear stuff you don't mind smelling like dumpster juice. you'll get pretty filthy. look for bags that aren't filled with coffee grounds or lunch leftovers.. all the good stuff is sometimes in one bag. REI usu. has a bag full of things with return tags.. meaning they've been bought and returned but are still new. and if you get caught, you can try to run, because no obese and logical cop is going to run after a kid who's digging in a dumpster.. surely the pigs have better things to do. otherwise, likely a warning for criminal trespass or something. i usually take a bike for quick escape, but a car can be handy when you find a bag full of bagels you can't carry.
that's all i can think of.. next time i see you we'll hit some dumpsters. i miss you! be well, friend.
oh, and bring a flashlight.
ReplyDeletei bet the apalachaians are a fun place to forage. let's go! :)
ReplyDeleteJordan, we are so doing it. We all need to go camp there for a month.
ReplyDeleteAnd, of course, THANK YOU Andrea. I'm gonna start on this tonight. :D ADVENTURE TIME.
ReplyDelete