Took a walk, had a baby, got a divorce, finished a Master's degree, got a job, became a doula, moved to Little Rock, planted a garden, raising a boy, trimming bushes, nodding my head to the music.
I'm back, motherfuckers.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sunday, July 25, 2010
i'm changing, that's the point i'm making
Hormones are intense at this point. I had to do field work in the woods (7 months pregnant) for most of the past week, and the muscle fatigue, blisters, and poison ivy on my feet have coupled with the thesis work I have that's due tomorrow (and hardly close to finished) to facilitate the beginnings of a breakdown. I got home last night at midnight. My husband left at noon for work, I'm left with the five year old son. I have things to do that I can't do because I'm writing a blog post for the brief window that he doesn't want my attention. I don't mind nurturing him, but all of it and my pained, stretched ligaments and back makes me want to cry and cry. He came in the bedroom while I was crying and hugged me. I told him mommies sometimes cry more when they have babies in their tummies just because they are happy. I asked what he needed. He said "Nothing, you just need a hug." Sweet boy.
I laid on the bed and closed my eyes and wished for late last summer. I thought I'd close my eyes and be back on Hickory Street for a few days. But that's not the road I've chosen, and that's okay. My hormones are just overwhelming me with messages. I love my family and the life I have, I just have to learn to make it work without going crazy.
So I got up and went to the computer and looked at a few blogs. I read comments on my old posts and looked at pictures and read old notes I'd been given in Texas or sent from Colorado. I looked at pictures and knew that this is continuous, my having a baby and family doesn't end any of my old important friendships regardless of how much it seems to "tie me down". If my thesis proposal isn't finished tomorrow and my advisor yells at me and my house is still dirty and everything is still trying to overwhelm me, it's fine. And everyone will converge soon. It's okay. You were right, I couldn't see it then. Thank Goddess. The CFS fucking rules.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
It's hot
I'm 33 weeks. Did I say I was huge in the last post? PFT. I am tons bigger now, and the baby is easy to see when he wiggles around. Only 7 more weeks until I enter the ranks of birthing moms. I'm trying not to get nervous.
Mostly, I'm just busy. Thesis work for the summer, a research assistantship managing data, going out in the field the rest of this week, watching Elijah (my stepson) when Stewart's at work (while also trying to do the thesis and RA work), and working to finish my doula certification by September are all keeping me really busy, not to mention being pregnant makes me busy. That entails childbirth classes, midwife appointments, and me being completely financially irresponsible by seeing a chiropractor (we're on a payment plan, so it's not so bad). Trying to keep the house clean is hard, and I get frustrated a lot even though Stewart helps (with dishes and laundry). I just can't keep up with the two males in the house in terms of keeping the place clean, which places me behind in preparing our room for the birth. I need to finish baby slings I promised other friends before I can even do mine; I haven't started on any of them. The house out in Sheridan needs to be cleaned up. Really, I kind of wish I just had a way to pause time for a little bit.
Also, I wish I could nap more. I've never been so tired in my life.
I've seen several of my people this summer, and that's been a nice break. First Andrea and Aaron (and NALI!) came through on their way back to WV. It's always refreshing to see them because they're living the good life, the life that I was too scared to try. Then, about a month later, Jordan, De'maris, and MJ came through. That was good, too. The house was lively but laid back. Wish they could have stayed longer. I don't expect to see Robert, possibly ever. He has his own "thing" going now, it seems. I expect to see Taylor, just don't know when.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Baby
My first semester of graduate school is over. I have a thesis project (no experiments yet, though) and a 4.0. I am just as busy now as I was in the school year. It sucks. If I am not in my office reading about my thesis work and putting down ideas, I am preparing to go out in the field (and I'm camping in the field tomorrow and the next day...I am planning to FINISH Wednesday).
My stepson's birthday is Wednesday. I won't get home until later, so we're doing our family birthday celebration on Thursday. It's really hard to juggle all this field work with family.
I am huge, and baby River is bigger every day! He kicks and bounces around a lot, so forcefully now that folks can see my belly poke a little when he kicks, and other people can definitely feel it. He's doing a little tap dance right now, actually. He's head down, so I feel it mostly at the top of my tummy and just barely off to the side. We had our last ultrasound at 20 weeks (I am now 24 weeks!) and he looks wonderful. He even yawned for us! It was great. We start homebirth classes in just a few weeks, and I was encouraged by two natural births that I attended last week. It was hard work, but both mamas were victorious and had some cute babies! :D
Mother's Day was wonderful! Elijah made me a necklace at school; it was really sweet, especially because I've only been his stepmom for six months, and actually taking care of him with Stewart for only two. Stewart gave me an AWESOME bag that has Krishna and the Taj Mahal on it (and various other Indian things)- I told him I loved it so much it would be River's diaper bag. I don't know if he liked that, but it just means I am going to be carrying it around a lot! My mother gave me a little photo album and candle, my cousin Rissa gave me a really cute card, and Katherine gave me a handprint/footprint frame set. I can't believe I got presents for Mother's Day! It was so fun!
Well, it's 4 p.m. and I haven't eaten lunch. Guess I should do that. I've been busy trying to figure out field work and crew stuff so we will have enough people to work tomorrow and the next day. We have a midwife appointment next week; I'll update after that.
My stepson's birthday is Wednesday. I won't get home until later, so we're doing our family birthday celebration on Thursday. It's really hard to juggle all this field work with family.
I am huge, and baby River is bigger every day! He kicks and bounces around a lot, so forcefully now that folks can see my belly poke a little when he kicks, and other people can definitely feel it. He's doing a little tap dance right now, actually. He's head down, so I feel it mostly at the top of my tummy and just barely off to the side. We had our last ultrasound at 20 weeks (I am now 24 weeks!) and he looks wonderful. He even yawned for us! It was great. We start homebirth classes in just a few weeks, and I was encouraged by two natural births that I attended last week. It was hard work, but both mamas were victorious and had some cute babies! :D
Mother's Day was wonderful! Elijah made me a necklace at school; it was really sweet, especially because I've only been his stepmom for six months, and actually taking care of him with Stewart for only two. Stewart gave me an AWESOME bag that has Krishna and the Taj Mahal on it (and various other Indian things)- I told him I loved it so much it would be River's diaper bag. I don't know if he liked that, but it just means I am going to be carrying it around a lot! My mother gave me a little photo album and candle, my cousin Rissa gave me a really cute card, and Katherine gave me a handprint/footprint frame set. I can't believe I got presents for Mother's Day! It was so fun!
Well, it's 4 p.m. and I haven't eaten lunch. Guess I should do that. I've been busy trying to figure out field work and crew stuff so we will have enough people to work tomorrow and the next day. We have a midwife appointment next week; I'll update after that.
Monday, April 5, 2010
March/April
Thank goodness, Spring is here! I feel like I can come out of hibernation!
We are settled into our apartment (with the exception of the curtains I am going to make this weekend) and have established some semblance of a routine. I now know why Stewart always seemed to be late for work- having to get yourself and a kid ready really takes a while! It's been a lot better having two of us there to work with Eli. Like I said, I've still got curtains to put up and plants to put out, but other than that, we're pretty settled in.
We've been going a lot (here, there, everywhere), and I hope the summer will mean we get to go a little less. I am purposing to not take on many projects for the summer, though it already seems like I'll be busy with my Research Assistantship, thesis research, homebirth classes, and the end of my doula certification. :\
I hit 18 weeks yesterday in my pregnancy. I am definitely feeling River bounce around in there, and I am seriously showing! We've been really lucky to get lots of help from my family with things like a carseat, stroller, bouncer, etc., and my cousin Clarissa says she's going to throw me a baby shower in July. Yeesh! I was handed a big stack of brand new baby clothes just yesterday by my cousin Katherine. Part of my summer projects will include making things River needs- slings, nursing pads (okay, those are for me), some cloth diapers and wipes (though I think his dad is mostly going disposable; I told him I am sticking with cloth for my diaper changes!), blankets, little hats, etc. We'll be going for another ultrasound here in a couple of weeks just for fun, and I'm excited to see how he's grown in the past few months. I'm also going to be seeing a chiropractor in the next few weeks- the lower back pressure/pain is starting to set in. Everyone tells me it only gets worse. Duh. I know.
I watched Orgasmic Birth with Stewart last weekend, and if you haven't seen it, you need to watch it. Seriously. Even if you're not pregnant. Another big one is The Business of Being Born; that movie made me decide not to go to medical school. Srsly.
I've only got three weeks of school left. I can't believe how this semester has flown, but that's fine with me. This is what I've got left to do this school year:
1. Ichthyology test (next Tuesday).
2. Ichthyology paper and presentation.
3. Grad seminar class experiment (due April 12th, my partner and I lead the class in experiments we'll be setting up this week).
4. Grad seminar final report.
5. Evolution final presentation.
The problem is finding the time to do all that stuff between classes and lab prep. :\ All this will probably have to be done the last week in April. We'll see.
I am freakin' ready for the summer. I think. I hope it's not too busy. I'm starting to hate being busy.
We are settled into our apartment (with the exception of the curtains I am going to make this weekend) and have established some semblance of a routine. I now know why Stewart always seemed to be late for work- having to get yourself and a kid ready really takes a while! It's been a lot better having two of us there to work with Eli. Like I said, I've still got curtains to put up and plants to put out, but other than that, we're pretty settled in.
We've been going a lot (here, there, everywhere), and I hope the summer will mean we get to go a little less. I am purposing to not take on many projects for the summer, though it already seems like I'll be busy with my Research Assistantship, thesis research, homebirth classes, and the end of my doula certification. :\
I hit 18 weeks yesterday in my pregnancy. I am definitely feeling River bounce around in there, and I am seriously showing! We've been really lucky to get lots of help from my family with things like a carseat, stroller, bouncer, etc., and my cousin Clarissa says she's going to throw me a baby shower in July. Yeesh! I was handed a big stack of brand new baby clothes just yesterday by my cousin Katherine. Part of my summer projects will include making things River needs- slings, nursing pads (okay, those are for me), some cloth diapers and wipes (though I think his dad is mostly going disposable; I told him I am sticking with cloth for my diaper changes!), blankets, little hats, etc. We'll be going for another ultrasound here in a couple of weeks just for fun, and I'm excited to see how he's grown in the past few months. I'm also going to be seeing a chiropractor in the next few weeks- the lower back pressure/pain is starting to set in. Everyone tells me it only gets worse. Duh. I know.
I watched Orgasmic Birth with Stewart last weekend, and if you haven't seen it, you need to watch it. Seriously. Even if you're not pregnant. Another big one is The Business of Being Born; that movie made me decide not to go to medical school. Srsly.
I've only got three weeks of school left. I can't believe how this semester has flown, but that's fine with me. This is what I've got left to do this school year:
1. Ichthyology test (next Tuesday).
2. Ichthyology paper and presentation.
3. Grad seminar class experiment (due April 12th, my partner and I lead the class in experiments we'll be setting up this week).
4. Grad seminar final report.
5. Evolution final presentation.
The problem is finding the time to do all that stuff between classes and lab prep. :\ All this will probably have to be done the last week in April. We'll see.
I am freakin' ready for the summer. I think. I hope it's not too busy. I'm starting to hate being busy.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Fallen robin
In graduate school, pretty full on schoolwork that seems to have no end. Writing a lit review (I should really start on it...), paper due in Ichthyology, test tomorrow, presentation in Evolution, lab to write up for Seminar, plus teaching, grading, and prepping. AND research.
Moved in with husband, he helps a lot around the house.
Nearly four months pregnant with a son. He's quit making me nauseated, so we get along much better now. I never knew how amazing a woman's body could be until I started making headway on this person-growing business. My breasts are much bigger, my stomach is poking out, my body demands much more water and nearly as much food, and I have a video of a little alien bobbing around in my stomach sucking his thumb thanks to a badass sonographer. They say he'll come in early September. I give it more of a range- September 1st-20th. Somewhere in there.
Moved in with husband, he helps a lot around the house.
Nearly four months pregnant with a son. He's quit making me nauseated, so we get along much better now. I never knew how amazing a woman's body could be until I started making headway on this person-growing business. My breasts are much bigger, my stomach is poking out, my body demands much more water and nearly as much food, and I have a video of a little alien bobbing around in my stomach sucking his thumb thanks to a badass sonographer. They say he'll come in early September. I give it more of a range- September 1st-20th. Somewhere in there.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Diary of a Mad Pregnant Woman
Okay, you know all that crap I said in my last post about how I love being pregnant? And how I'm eating good foods and am embracing this transition?
When I envisioned my pregnant self, I saw a glowing, angelic Allyn with a nice round belly, no cellulite, prancing through the woods. There was no morning sickness, and my body was working exactly as it should (which, of course, meant I felt no discomfort). I loved being pregnant in this vision! Pregnancy would make me a goddess!
Ohohohohoho. Wow. That is funny. Reaaaaaally funny. The thought of it now makes me chuckle. No, it makes me LOL.
Well, first the good news. While ultrasound-time will not happen for two more months, I did get several test results at my appointment last Tuesday (I get the rest this Thursday). So far, everything is just super. Yay.
The bad news: prego sickness has taken over my life. For well over a week now, I have been constantly nauseated. Like, please-god-just-let-me-puke nauseated. I have to eat pretty much constantly to keep the nausea at bay (and that doesn't really work). I have vomited violently a total of two times, once in a Cracker Barrel bathroom (in which a nurse came to my stall door and made sure I was okay...I had to explain that I was just eight weeks pregnant, and thus was not pregnant enough for my BABY TO QUIT HATING ME, so all was well). As for what I'm eating, the thought of vegetables makes me sick. I walked through Kroger (nauseated, of course) and bought EVERY PRODUCT IN THE WHOLE STORE that didn't make me nauseated. My grocery bill was a mere $40, folks. Don't even get me started on the shrimp in the open freezer. I smelled it all over the store. I want to kill all shrimp everywhere...and make sure they don't end up at Kroger.
I have very frequent indigestion, which I didn't know could happen this early in pregnancy. I hiccup (really, just gas, not diaphragmatic contractions) frequently. I have to pee every two hours (at the most! Usually on the hour.). And I don't normally talk about such topics, but since last week, my intestines could supply enough gas to completely end our reliance on foreign reserves. I'm not even going to go into what's coming out of my intestines nowadays. Trust me: it defies logic.
Oh, and I turned twenty-five years old this week. I got to celebrate by napping and not puking. Hooray.
Somebody tell this kid to knock it off with the progesterone fits or I'm going to withhold the prenatal vitamins and smoke a cigarette (okay, okay, I'm kidding, but I AM tired of being sick).
I'm starting to wonder when I'm supposed to enjoy being pregnant. At least my husband's having fun with all the "I get to be a daddy!" stuff and rubbing my fledgling baby bump. The only enjoyment I get from this nowadays? I have an excuse to nap and be bitchy, and all of my flowy hippie clothes will soon serve a purpose. Ah, maternity wear.
When I envisioned my pregnant self, I saw a glowing, angelic Allyn with a nice round belly, no cellulite, prancing through the woods. There was no morning sickness, and my body was working exactly as it should (which, of course, meant I felt no discomfort). I loved being pregnant in this vision! Pregnancy would make me a goddess!
Ohohohohoho. Wow. That is funny. Reaaaaaally funny. The thought of it now makes me chuckle. No, it makes me LOL.
Well, first the good news. While ultrasound-time will not happen for two more months, I did get several test results at my appointment last Tuesday (I get the rest this Thursday). So far, everything is just super. Yay.
The bad news: prego sickness has taken over my life. For well over a week now, I have been constantly nauseated. Like, please-god-just-let-me-puke nauseated. I have to eat pretty much constantly to keep the nausea at bay (and that doesn't really work). I have vomited violently a total of two times, once in a Cracker Barrel bathroom (in which a nurse came to my stall door and made sure I was okay...I had to explain that I was just eight weeks pregnant, and thus was not pregnant enough for my BABY TO QUIT HATING ME, so all was well). As for what I'm eating, the thought of vegetables makes me sick. I walked through Kroger (nauseated, of course) and bought EVERY PRODUCT IN THE WHOLE STORE that didn't make me nauseated. My grocery bill was a mere $40, folks. Don't even get me started on the shrimp in the open freezer. I smelled it all over the store. I want to kill all shrimp everywhere...and make sure they don't end up at Kroger.
I have very frequent indigestion, which I didn't know could happen this early in pregnancy. I hiccup (really, just gas, not diaphragmatic contractions) frequently. I have to pee every two hours (at the most! Usually on the hour.). And I don't normally talk about such topics, but since last week, my intestines could supply enough gas to completely end our reliance on foreign reserves. I'm not even going to go into what's coming out of my intestines nowadays. Trust me: it defies logic.
Oh, and I turned twenty-five years old this week. I got to celebrate by napping and not puking. Hooray.
Somebody tell this kid to knock it off with the progesterone fits or I'm going to withhold the prenatal vitamins and smoke a cigarette (okay, okay, I'm kidding, but I AM tired of being sick).
I'm starting to wonder when I'm supposed to enjoy being pregnant. At least my husband's having fun with all the "I get to be a daddy!" stuff and rubbing my fledgling baby bump. The only enjoyment I get from this nowadays? I have an excuse to nap and be bitchy, and all of my flowy hippie clothes will soon serve a purpose. Ah, maternity wear.
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