Please pardon the dust.

I'm tidying up around here. Bear with me.

No I'm Not

I am not sorry for anything. Ever. Anything I've written on here, anything I've said to anyone, my craziness, my flaws, my abilities and accomplishments, all of my actions for the last twenty-four years, eight months, twenty nine days, and twenty two hours. Not sorry. I do not apologize, and I don't need anyone's forgiveness.

La. Ti. Da.

In other news, fall is here, and it is beautiful. Crunchy leaves hot cocoa crisp air cold nose whiskey sour it's too absurdly cold to smoke I should quit antiquated old downtown walk. I'm that guy walking down the street jangling the change in his pocket who is feeling quite a bit better than you.

and I saw a new Heaven and a new Earth...

speak to me in a language i can hear

humor me before i have to go

deep in thought i forgive everyone

as the cluttered streets greet me once again


i know i can't be late, supper's waiting on the table

tomorrow's just an excuse away

so i pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own



the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet

at the blasphemy in my old jangly walk

steeple guide me to my heart and home

the sun is out and up and down again



i know i'll make it

love can last forever

graceful swans of never topple to the earth

and you can make it last, forever you

can make it last, forever you



and for a moment i lose myself

wrapped up in the pleasures of the world

i've journeyed here and there and back again

but in the same old haunts i still find my friends

mysteries not ready to reveal

sympathies i'm ready to return



i'll make the effort,

love can last forever

graceful swans of never topple to the earth

tomorrow's just an excuse

tomorrow's just an excuse

and you can make it last, forever you










you can make it last, forever you

Update

In case you missed it:

On Friday I spent part of the night in the ER. Pleurisy. But the lady at Sherwood Urgent Care was retarded and said I might have a pulmonary embolism. Way to scare the crap out of me, wench! It's just pleurisy.

On Monday I came down with the flu. I don't ever get sick or go to the doctor. I was bedridden from Monday afternoon until, basically, Wednesday night. I was still taking it pretty easy last night and still am, mostly because I have the worst case of dizziness of my life. This vertigo is probably the result of a prolonged high fever for which I probably should have sought medical attention. Eh. If I didn't go to the doctor or hospital over the difficulty breathing, I wasn't going over no stinkin' fever. Once my dizziness and headache are gone, though, I should be good as new!

I got on my gmail at home today. It wasn't signed out. I was like "meh, better sign you out..." then I saw an email from a certain official. I was like "Hm, I wanna see what that meanie said! 'Cause I am not happy with HIM! Bein' all mean and STUFF!"

So yes, mayhaps I was in the wrong for reading it. But my intentions were actually very noble. I felt like if I could read it, then I would just be more entrenched with righteous indignation and I would have more to say in defense of my friend. But see, it said stuff that was NOT what I've been hearing. Stuff that would make a lot more sense given the current situation. Stuff that, if it WERE a lie, could be contested, and to not contest it would be, quite frankly, stupid.

And if it's the truth, then I have been lied to. But why would someone lie about that stuff? Just to cover up how irresponsible they are? But why? Don't we all already know they're irresponsible? What the heck? And if the email was a lie, then it can very easily be disproven, because several different professors would not be in on some conspiracy against one person. None of this is making sense. And I don't like it.

Now that I know this I don't even want to go home until my apartment is empty.

my lungs are filled with fluid.

tonight is not exactly the best time for me to be alone. guess that doesn't matter.